When we were first married life was tough. We fought and fought and our arguments seemed to go nowhere but in mind dizzying circles. His points were always too in your face, matter of fact, and damning to my case. Whereas mine were always obscure, leaning on emotions versus quantifiable facts. I'd like to say that this phase didn't last very long, but the truth is, although now it is substantially better there is still room for improvement (mainly on my part).
Aside from our own personal arguments, I have always felt Dario is the one person- the best person- to go to for advice. He has helped me reason out and learn to cope with so many heartaches. He has shed light on so many topics of pain for me and helped me see them in a new way. And that's what Dario does, that's what he is best at. He is always concerned about the emotional well being of his loved ones and teaching accountability for one's actions.
Then there's me. When it comes to arguments that I'm involved in or likewise, I'm at a loss. It's like my brain shuts down and I am simply left in a dark room, with only my emotions to steer me. It's so difficult to see that I did something wrong if I didn't intend to, even if the end result is the same. It's also hard for me to know what to do or what advice to give my kids when they are fighting. I lack the ability to see the big picture under those circumstances.
But then there's everyday life. I can wake up early, get the kids off to school, clean every room in the house, take Dario to work, work from home, get Peter down for his nap, do laundry, pick the kids up from school, help them with their homework, make dinner, give all the kids a bath, pick Dario up from work, brush their teeth and put the kids to bed. This is my logic zone. Although Dario is not as deficient at all this as I am when it comes to dealing with emotional hardships; I am the better of the two.
What is significant about all this is the amazing balance and dynamic we have in our relationship. Where I am weak, he is strong, and where I am strong he is weak. We need each other, depend on each other.
Dario is my lighthouse. I look forward to seeing and being with him everyday. First of all because anything I am confused about, like something I heard on the news, I know I can run by him and he will shed new light on it. If I have a question about the morality of a situation, I can always count on being surprised by his answer and uplifted, enlightened. And secondly he is my best friend. I love watching TV, playing video games or just talking to him. He is my favorite person to be with.
Although realizing this balance we have feels like discovery, it was there along, and I've lived under it's safety and existence for a long time. It's just nice to see it, out there, in words. To take it out and look at it like a beautiful object. Enjoying it's complexity, and relishing in the fact that it's all mine.
Along with this discovery there is one more very important thing I have realized. It's so clear it's kind of a slap in the face. That when it comes to arguments my husband really does know best. That's why I always go to him whenever I need advice. I've known this for awhile, and I think (hope) I've gotten a little better but there's always room for improvement. If I can just admit when I am at fault, and not fight it for hours, I think it would bring us even closer together, and make me a better person.
I love my husband. I love us. I love what we have and what we have created together. Here's to more without end. I love you baby. Happy nine years.
